What is wrong with us?

I just saw a May 2011 rerun of Kirstie Alley on Jay Leno and realized for the first time how unrealistic our expectation for women is thanks to the media representation of women. 

She's talking about how she's now wearing a size 6, but compared to everyone else who sits in the chair next to Jay she looks huge.  Don't get me wrong, she's gorgeous, size 6 is something I aspire to, and this is not a Kristie bashing session, but it pointed out to me my own prejudice.  Ironic?  Very.

The other thing is that she decided that at 5'8" 124 lbs was too fat so she lost 14lbs on some ridiculous diet.  A 5'8" 110lb woman would look sickly yet somehow we have it in our head that that's desirable.  WTF World? W.T.F.

So that's just my random thought for the night.  It could get deeper, but I'm way too tired.

I Invented Blueberry S'mores -- I'm a farmer!

Last night after the concert was over the kids jammed and we prepared the evening activity.  S'mores.  That's right, get them hopped up on sugar and then send them to bed and tell them to sleep soundly.  Right...  But it was a lot of fun and they really seemed to enjoy it.  They're a pretty fun group of kids.

So a part of jazz camp is hanging out after the campers go to bed.  We usually play games and laugh at ourselves -- we think we're smarter and funnier than we really are. 

Last night was no exception to this rule.  After the campers went to bed we sat out on the porch (the weather has been so beautiful) and played cards and ate until 2am.  What happened at 2am?  We went to bed?  Oh no.  At 2am the night security guard came over to join us and spent the next 2+ hours pontificating about politics.  Now, I'm not overly political, but I love a good arguement.  And more than that I love poking holes in an arguement someone else believes to be sound.  It was an interesting time.  I wish I could remember most of it, because as I recall it was pretty hilarious. 

As a result, we didn't sleep.  The security guard left around 5 and we stayed up to watch the sunrise until 6.  After that I didn't see much of a point in going to bed for an hour only to wake up at 7 to get the kids up.   I slept from 7-9 and from 9:30-10:30.  Combined with the three hours I slept yesterday...things are pretty funny.  I saw faces in the tile specks this morning.  Oye.

Today has been pretty uneventful, which is a good thing.  We've got a concert tonight for combos and a big band dress rehearsal of sorts.  Tomorrow is the big band concert and then the kids go home and I fly to CA.  Woohoo!

Okay, off to...do something...

To Jazz or not to Jazz...

That is the question.  However, here at Jazz Camp the jazz is mandatory.

So today started the official week of jazz camp.  Campers moved in, we took their money, tested them, sorted them like cattle, and then threw water balloons at them.  It's been a blast thus far.

Seriously though, it's great.  I look forward to it every summer.  People at work think I'm strange for taking a week of vacation to go RA at a camp, but it's a week of paid room and board doing something I love with people I love.  What better way to use your vacation time?  It's things like this that really make me miss school, but I realize that the rosy glow of college memories is something I have to get over, and this is part of the reason I'm fairly certain this is my last jazz camp.  It makes the week all the sweeter.

The kids seem to be hilarious and unique -- my favorite combo.  We only have one repeat from the previous year in the dorm and she's always been fun, in a quiet, stealthy sort of way.  It's fun to see everybody's personalities emerge throughout the week.

Anyway, I'm already sleep deprived (having slept in a recliner most of the night).  And starving (but I think someone's bringing me a sandwich...or maybe a taco).  And...tomorrow is another day.

You're doing it wrong...

Celery makes an excellent spoon for spreading dip onto cheese.

I'm a terrible gift giver...

...I never know what to give people.  So when I have something that I think is great I can't keep it to myself for very long.  Sometimes even when I do have a good idea it comes out wrong (example: for Christmas I gave Dad badarse leather dog collars with 'Ellie' and 'Effie' stamped into them for his dogs...named Lucy and Effie...well stank...).

I made this for Em's birthday, which is nowhere near now.

It's pretty sweet.  You gotta give me props.  Yo.  But don't worry, I gave it to her yesterday.

Em and I went for a walk this morning and I've been doing some exercise ball exercises.  My short term goal is to be able to touch my toes without being in agony.  I can do it, but me thinks my hamstrings doth protest too much.

In unrelated news, I seriously need a massage.

Tan and toe tomorrow!  Be there or be rectangularly shaped.

Happy Early Father's Day!

So we celebrated Father's Day this weekend since we're all going to be scattered next weekend.  Dad was a no show.  Kinda hard to celebrate a Father's Day with no father, but we managed.  Emily made some blow-your-mind potato salad and I cut up some orange slices really well.

We went fishing next to a bunch of strung-out hillbillies (no relation).  I use the term "we" loosely since Mom and Jim were the only ones with fishing liscences and only Jim had a pole.

Here are some highlights:

One Way,

Doesn't he look like he's pondering the meaning of life?

I think she's beautiful.  She made me stop taking pictures.  Also, she's wearing the necklace I refashioned.

The sky

Telling a secret...into space?

Not fishing is hard work.

She's grinning because she'd just given me the bird.  I'm kidding...or am I?

Panoramic fishing photo.  Pay no attention to my partially missing leg.  I don't like talking about the accident.

So, Happy Father's Day...I guess...

My Poll

I really want to continue to do polls (look to the right of the page --->), but it's no fun if nobody participates.  Of course that means I have to know more than three people on the internet.

Quandry...

I have made another craft, but I can't show it yet...I'm going to be excited when I can though!!

Also, I'm making progress on the cleaning front.  Laundry is done.  Dishes are partially done.  Bathroom is clean.  Bedroom is organized.  I've come to the conclusion that I need to have a yard sale, or more specifically a book sale.  And if I'm being honest, taking stuff to donate frightens me a little.  Why can't it be like a baby at a fire station -- just drop it off in the darkness so nobody knows whose it was.  Or like a flaming bag of poo -- ring the doorbell and run.

Of course, there's always The Terrible 20: Sarah Palin History Lessons.  I believe that the media has enough footage of any celebrity/politician/has-been (not that Sarah is all three) to make them appear as the media wants.  I believe responsible journalism is all but dead.  So Sarah Palin said something silly, so what.  Why is that a national focal point?  *steps off soap box*  But whatever you believe, you have to admit these are hilarious.  I especially like #10, and I've sat through enough history classes to know that Sarah Palin isn't the only person out there who "thinks" these things...  No child left behind, wha?

Craft Nite: Purse 101

So Sunday afternoon was "Craft Nite".  We made purses.  We started at 2pm and were done at 9pm.  Not sure why it took so long, but it was fun.  And there was really good pineapple salsa!

The finished product?  Looks a little something like this:

Yes, that's cowboy fabric with a polka dot ruffle!  I'm a little dissatisfied with the ruffle.  I think it's too tall.  I may take out the seams and shorten it so it stands up more.  And the vinyl was really hard to feed through, but I learned a little trick -- put some wax paper on top so that the foot slides over the vinyl better.

Here's a little crafting action:

Sorry Ashley, the file is too large to email...feel free to borrow steal it from here.

Necklace? Oui. Ooh La La!

Some of you know I dabble in jewelry making.  I'm not particularly good at it, but I spend a lot of money on supplies.

Today however, oh today.  Today was drastically different.  Today I made a darling necklace for less than a dollar!

As advertised, so darling!

Close up of pendant

Here's how I did it.

You will need:
1.) 1 yard of polyester cord, $.20
2.) 2 wooden beads, $.13
3.) 1 ceramic flower heart charm, FREE!
4.) superglue
5.) electric cooktop

14 Easy Steps:
1.) Rummage through your mother's personal belongings until you find something cute that she never wears.
2.) Steal Borrow said item without asking permission.
3.) String your acquired item onto your cord.
4.) Attempt to put both ends of the cord through one wooden bead.
5.) Discover that the bore of your bead isn't large enough.
6.) Ponder solution...
7.) Find superglue, and, although realizing that during your last encounter with superglue you managed to superglue the container of superglue to your bathroom counter, decide to superglue two beads together.
8.) Gingerly superglue two wooden beads together to create uni-bead (dun dun DUN!).
9.) Allow glue to dry.
10.) Thread cord through uni-bead (dun dun DUN!).
11.) Tie knot at desired necklace length.
12.) Cut off excess cord.
13.) Seal fresh cord ends by melting them on your electric cooktop.
14.) Call your mother to confess the theft borrowing of her belonging, promise to return it, and, mostly jokingly, ask if you can have it when she dies.

I left the knot ends long because I liked the way they kind of draped, but you can do as you desire.

Good luck!

My Patchwork Garden

I was working in the garden today and got to thinking about how we planted it.  When I was a kid Dad insisted we drive steaks and stretch string to make perfectly straight and evenly spaced rows.  They all went the same direction.  There was no haphazardness.

This garden looks like a patchwork quilt.

Right to Left (click on the photo to enlarge):

*The brown row is Mom's herbs
*The two blue offset rows are my peas (first harvest today!)
*The green row is onions
*The red rows are tomatoes
*The teal rows are watermelons, honeydew, cantaloupe, pumpkins, summer and winter squashes, and various zucchinis
*The purple square is empty space Dad's trying to convince me to plant more melons in...
*The two blue rows are trees Dad has temporarily planted
*The orange row is the asparagus bed, which also has garlic in
*The white line way in the back is three green bean rows
*The five yellow rows in the front are corn (with sunflowers mixed in)
*The two purple rows perpendicular to the corn are Swiss chard and kale
*The white square is where two additional plantings of corn will be (planted in stages to extend harvest time)
*The tire in the front (and one to the right of the shot) has potatoes planted in it
*And anything that's pink is a row of flowers -- sunflowers, marigolds, zenias, bachelor's buttons, and poppies

I like this way better.

Geraldine

Geraldine is my new camera.  She arrived today via surrogate.  I can't take a picture of her with her, but this is some of what she's taken so far:

That's right folks, she has a photobooth function!  Be prepared for lots more of these kinds of photos...  Sorry.  Also sorry about the up-the-nose shot.  The picture to the right of it cracked me up.

And in other photo news, check out these fancy bug photos.  No, go back and check them out.  Don't just keep reading.  Don't lie and tell me you looked either.  Go look at them.  Now.