Maggie on Maggie: Giggling Gems #5

This is a note I wrote.  I guess I never sent it, which is a shame since it's definitely a literary masterpiece.  My mother says you can tell who a person is going to be by their kindergarten report card.  That may be true, but you can also tell who they're going to be by the notes they wrote when they were 13.

Keep in mind that all the punctuation in this is actually made up of little tiny 'x's.  All periods and bottoms of exclamation points, but oddly enough not the tops of commas...

(Captain's Log, Stardate) Thurs. March 26, 1998
*Sam*
     Hi! How R u doin'? I'm fine. (*scribble* <--a really stupid drawing I scratched out.)  You still like Mr. C & Mr. A?  I still like my buddie.  (Isn't that a doll for boys from the '80's?  Also, relationships have clearly never been my strong suit.) 
     Ya know what I think is really funny?  This.  Hukd oon fonix werkd phor mee.  It's funny.  (Trust me, it is.)
     Do you ever notice that when I write notes they have absolutely no point & say absolutely nothing.  (World, meet the precursor to my blog.)  Most people write notes that make sense, but not me.  (Can you sense the pride I take in that?)  That's why I don't write notes often.  I only write them when I'm doing nothing, won't get in trouble, or really board.  Usually, it's #3.  I hope that doesn't insult you.  I didn't mean for it to be offensive.  (I'm just saying that I can only find the time to write you the notes that are so clearly the staple of our friendship when there's nothing else to do and I'm completely bored out of my mind.  How could you possibly take umbridge with that?)
     When you come over tonight, my sister's friend will be there, I think.  It'll either be Brittany or LeLani, (if that's how you spell it) Emily just calls her Lani.
     You know what.  I don't usually write notes this long.  I can still find things to say.  Wow!!  I think this is a record!  Don't you feel special.  (I mean, come on, you should.  After all, I'm deigning to grace you with my presence in written word.  That alone should make you give me your lunch money.)  If this is getting to wierd, just scratch out the parts that you don't like & pretend I never wrote them & you never read them. (I've always been a problem solver.) This note is getting way to long.  G/G.  CUL8R.  W/B.  IDKWJD.  (I think this is supposed to be "IDKWJWD" as in "I don't know what Jesus would do", but it's open for interpretation.)

P.S. If you wonder what any of this means, ask me.  I won't mind.  (As stated earlier, it means I'm bored out of my gourd, but go ahead and ask.  After all, your asking will kill a few more minutes.)

Seriously.  How could this be written by someone other than me?  A little unintentionally offensive, a lot clueless, a dash of goofy, and with more than a touch of crazy.