It's strange to think that I'm 7 days away from the halfway mark of my seminary education. Really strange. But it's also a good time to do an assessment of where I've been, where I am, and where I'm going.
Don't know if you could tell from my writing, but last year was rough. Some of it was the fact that the core "BU education stamp" approved classes were (and still are, if rumblings are any indication) in need of serious re-evaluation. A lot of it was everything going on at home. A portion of it was being forced to regurgitate stuff you don't believe in order to make a passing grade. Some of it was my weird living situation. And some of it was my own pride and inability to learn from people I don't respect -- not one of my better traits. I apologize to those of you who had to listen to me no-so-silently lose my mind. It wasn't pretty.
This year has been much better. This year I'm in classes with professors who WANT to know what I think -- who allow that disagreement and grace can exists side by side. I get to write about things I actually believe, and in being forced to explain what I believe I get to experience the richness of our wonderful traditions. One of the readings last year was about how academic study can be a form of spiritual exercise. I didn't get it at the time because so little of what we read and wrote was life-giving for me (and maybe that was my spiritual exercise -- perseverance). This year, however, I get to read things that make me excited to crack the books. I know that education isn't all about fun, but if you aren't enjoying it why are you doing it? Sure isn't for the money...
And the thing is, I wasn't the only one who had my experience last year. Lots of people (people I was so glad not to see over the summer) experienced the same trauma I did. It seems like the goal of the first year is to beat you down so that you can be built back up in their image of what you "ought to be". Homie don't play that. My stubborn streak is more likely to go in the opposite direction just to tick you off. It's the silent-resistance-until-you-push-it-too-far-and-then-it's-war thing...I can't help myself.
This year, I am able to sit down with those people and have reasonable, rational, productive, holy conversation (which is good cause these folks are going to be my colleagues for the next, um, 50 years). And it's wonderful to recognize the growth in others in the same way I recognize it in myself. I sat down with a group of people yesterday to talk about a problem (the detrimental way language surrounding pro-LGBTQ is being used at the school -- hard to argue for inclusiveness when the language you're using is as hurtful and harmful as the language you're fighting against...) and despite the divergent opinions on the ultimate issue we all agreed that we had a problem that needed to be fixed, and set about fixing it. This gives me hope -- that the future of the church is going to be in good hands.
The last two months or so have been a real turning point for me in that I'm finally glad to be at BU, here, now. Also, I finally have a reasonable grasp on theological language! Seriously folks -- sometimes it's like trying to learn Russian with a yardstick for a guide.
Anyway, I should probably get back to writing my final assignments, but I'll leave you with the conclusion to this paper (I have yet to write the rest of it):
"When Wesley began his quest for
social and personal holiness, he never dreamed that the people called
Methodists would become a worldwide denomination. When he suggested unity in essentials and a
spirit of grace in everything else he probably did not envision the ways in
which that unity and grace would be tested.
Much as individual lived experiences of the Christian life, the life of
the Methodist denominations has rarely been smooth sailing. The desire to truly discern the will of God
and to live into that will has, oftentimes, caused as much pain and schism as
it has truth and beauty. However, this constant seeking of God, with all of its
fiery debates and tension, has been a hallmark of what it means to be
Methodist. We are collectively going on
toward perfection. Disagreements are a
reality as we work out our collective faith with fear and trembling, but we are
called to remember that we are not working alone.
As United Methodists we covenant to be in community with one another even when we do not agree. We covenant to work through our differences, and to offer grace to one another while we sort these things out. We covenant to love one another even when we cannot agree. The value of steadfast love and faithfulness through disagreement is, to me, one of the most beautiful things about Methodism because it points toward God’s steadfastness toward us, even through our sinfulness and estrangement. This is the heart of connectionalism. We are connected. Our baptism confirms it, and our participation in Holy Communion affirms it. We cannot run from it. Hallelujah! Thanks be to God."
Side note: connectionalism usually refers to the way the UMC organizes (conferences, etc.), but in this case it also refers to the community we experience through being the body of Christ.
There's a lot of Methodism in that, so kudos to you if you made it to the end!
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