Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Sermon 2

Sermon: Ezekiel 2:1-5 (Year B, Proper 9) "Prophesy and Anamnesis"

Ezekiel 2:1-5
God said to me: O mortal, stand up on your feet, and I will speak with you.  And when he spoke to me, a spirit entered into me and set me on my feet; and I heard him speaking to me.  He said to me, Mortal, I am sending you to the people of Israel, to a nation of rebels who have rebelled against me; they and their ancestors have transgressed against me to this very day.  The descendants are impudent and stubborn. I am sending you to them, and you shall say to them, “Thus says the Lord God.”  Whether they hear or refuse to hear (for they are a rebellious house), they shall know that there has been a prophet among them.

I don’t know what you think about for fun, but have you ever sat around and thought about what it means to be a prophet?  I’m going to pretend that you have—it’ll make me feel better if I’m not the only one.  You know, you’re doing chores around the house or driving to and from work and your mind wanders.  Anyway, in my thinking I’ve come to the conclusion that a lot of being a prophet is about being willing to say things you know people won’t like, things that might get you into trouble.  I’m not talking about rude, contentious things.  I’m talking about considered dissent.  We often think of the prophets as firebrands—we sort of picture this wild man with unbound hair and wide eyes wearing sackcloth and madly roaming the streets.  But if you read the prophetic literature carefully, most of these prophets spoke out of pastoral concern for the people in their midst.  And I think it takes a special kind of person to be able to tell truths no one else can.  It takes a special kind of person to say the truth in love, and to be willing to take the backlash for the good of everyone.  It takes a special kind of patience to be a prophet, knowing people likely won’t recognize the divine truth in your message.  This is the work of prophets and in this passage we encounter Ezekiel’s call into this work.
            But, as with so many of the prophets, that was not Ezekiel’s first choice.  As a little boy, Ezekiel did not say, “Gee Mom, I want to be a prophet.”  No one says that.  The work of a prophet is hard.  First of all you often have visions, so people automatically think you’re either a little nutty and dangerous, or excessively pompous.  You remember Joseph’s brothers tried to kill him for having uppity visions.  Then you have to do weird stuff.  Jeremiah is told to do all kinds of strange things, including wear a loin cloth that’s been buried in the banks of the Euphrates river…?  What is that about?  And then, let’s not forget that Hosea marries a prostitute.  Explain that one at the family Christmas table.  Then you are uprooted from your home and sent to a place where people are usually being naughty, and you have to tell them that God told you to tell them to knock it off.  It’s sort of the adult, ancient Near East version of “I’m telling Mom!”  You know, “If you don’t stop doing that thing Mom told you not to do I’m going to tell Mom and you’re going to be in soooooo much trouble.”  Except that instead of getting grounded or having your mouth washed out with soap, cities get destroyed and people get carried off into captivity.
            In fact, the Israelites were in captivity when Ezekiel was called to be a prophet.  He had been a priest in the temple during the first Babylonian conquest of Jerusalem.  When the temple was destroyed in 587 BCE a significant portion of the Israelites were carried off, and Ezekiel went with them.  This captivity was a major psychological blow for the Israelites.  They were Yahweh’s chosen people.  How could this happen?  The social structure of their community and their identity was tied to agriculture and the temple.  When they were forced to leave their homeland, the place promised to them by God, they began to be filled with doubts.  Who were they?  Where they not God’s chosen?  And if they weren’t chosen, if they weren’t the people of the Promised Land, then was Yahweh who they thought?  Was Yahweh as powerful as they thought?  Could they depend on God?  Without the temple, God’s dwelling place on earth, would God even be able to find them?  Would the gods of Babylon treat them any better?
          These are the things they are struggling with when we open to chapter 1 of Ezekiel.  Though the content of Ezekiel’s prophesy is pretty harsh (there’s a LOT of destruction), in many ways it is still good news: God comes to Ezekiel in Babylon—God’s holy GPS finds them even in captivity!  And God doesn’t only find them, God sends some pretty scary messengers to…let’s say “reassure” them.  The four (FOUR!) angels, each with four faces (human, lion, ox, eagle), multiple wings, and cow’s feet, pull a gleaming chariot that sounded like a thunderous army.  And if that isn’t enough, above the chariot is the flaming form of God seated in a sapphire throne. 
          When God shows up, God really shows up!  Without uttering a word God says, “In case you’d forgotten, I’m still the all-powerful God you’ve always known.”  And in the face of this splendor, Ezekiel throws himself to the ground.  This is where we find Ezekiel at the beginning of chapter two—face down in the dirt.  A sensible place to be, if you ask me. 
          Now in my initial reading of today’s passage, there were three things that stuck out to me, and I think these things offer some insight into how we might begin to think about what this passage means for us.  First of all, God doesn’t call Ezekiel by name, but instead calls him the generic “mortal”.  This is not the loving God who knows the number of hairs on our head or leads us through green pastures beside still waters.  This is the cosmic God of power.  This designation calls attention to Ezekiel’s frailty—the gleaming being in the most terrifying mode of transportation ever wants us to be aware of the difference in divine and human station.  God is God and we are not. 
          Secondly, God tells Ezekiel to get up, but doesn’t wait for him to do it.  We don’t know whether or not Ezekiel’s legs work after his big scare, but God doesn’t wait around to find out.  Rather God sends the Spirit to pick Ezekiel up and set him on his feet.  Lastly, Ezekiel is told not to be concerned with the success rate of his message.  In fact, he’s told that it’s basically going to fail.  God says, “I’m sending you to do this thing and they’re probably not going to listen to you,” which has to be a tough thing to hear.  It has to feel like a set up for failure.  But it matters not that the message likely won’t be received, because for Ezekiel, the faithful response is to live out his calling no matter what.  The people might be in denial about how they ought to respond, but if Ezekiel does his job, there will be no question about whether or not God has spoken.  The focus is to be on the will and work of God, not the response of humanity.  These are some pretty astounding things to all be crammed in five verses.
          So what are we to take from this?  The first thing, I think, is comfort.  God knows we are mortal.  God does not expect perfection to come from frail, flawed beings.  God deals with us—even calls us to do holy work—as we are.  You know, I don’t even deal with myself this graciously.  Are there any other perfectionists in the house?  For those of you who are perfectionists, self-identifying or identified by friends, have you ever noticed how difficult it is to work with others?  Nobody’s work is ever as good as mine.  And it’s a funny thing, but I never get around to finishing projects that are always in the process of being perfected.  I never get around to completing the task set before me because I can’t see how it can possibly be successful if my work isn’t perfect.  God is not concerned with this.  God wants our best, but knows perfection is beyond us.
          And, secondly, this means that God knows when a task is maybe more than we can handle.  God knows when we are in need of divine intervention.  When this happens, God sends the Spirit to pick us up, to help us do what needs doing.    I’ve never been a parent, but I’m an aunt, which I like to think of as destination parenting.  By that I mean I go to a destination, parent for a few hours, and then go home, have a glass of wine, and enjoy a sense of accomplishment.  My sister, on the other hand, is raising a three year old boy.  He is hilarious and rotten to the core.  He stays cleaner if he runs around naked.  He is no longer phased by consequences because it’s more important to him that he get to test out his own ideas about how the world ought to be.  Frequently those ideas put him in physical danger, or in direct contradiction to what his parents know need to happen.  And my sister is in charge of rearing that ball of chaos, ensuring he makes it satisfactorily into adulthood.  I asked her, “Aren’t you ever exhausted from being somebody’s boss all the time?”  I know she is, and though she’s never said it to me in this way, I know that when she’s at her wits end she finds strength from somewhere beyond her to do what needs to be done for herself and her family.  God does this all the time—calls us to do something and then breathes into us the ability to do it. 
          This brings me to the third point, reception.  We are not responsible for the reception of God’s message.  We are responsible to deliver the message in ways it can be understood, but ultimately the choice to act, what verse five refers to as “hearing”, can only be made by the ones to whom we are sent.  If you happen to follow the lectionary, you know that today’s gospel reading is from Mark chapter six.  It’s the story of the apostles being sent to proclaim the good news of repentance and healing.  Jesus tells them essentially the same thing God tells Ezekiel: you are going to face mixed reception, and if people won’t listen, shake the dust off your feet and move on to somewhere else.  Don’t be discouraged, but keep looking for the places where you can do good in the name of God.  Depend on God for the strength to complete the task at hand, and depend on God to work out the reception of the message.
          Now, up to this point we’ve been talking as though we were in the place of Ezekiel.  But let’s face it, sometimes we’re the Israelites.  The NRSV translation we read today calls them rebellious and “impudent and stubborn.”  The Hebrew translation, a bit more descriptive, reads, “these children have hard faces and hard hearts.”  Ouch!  What happens when our faces and hearts can no longer bend and beat with the love of God?  What happens when we are the ones in need of a gentle prophetic reminder? 
          In those times God will send a prophet to us, but will we recognize the prophet?  I think just as we are to speak into the world, the world speaks to us.  Maybe it isn’t exactly prophesy but I think we still need to pay attention, because it points us to the places where we should be speaking.  It doesn’t take much time listening to the news to know that there are things in the world not only worth speaking against, but in dire need of our voices.  In fact, I read several things this week that really disturb me, but I’ll only name two. 
First, it seems like more than coincidence that eight black churches have mysteriously burned in South Carolina in the last two weeks.  We don’t like to think that this could be intentional, and I know that our country’s discussion on race is very tense right now, but I’m not sure how we can in good conscience call this coincidence.  Second, the Pelham, North Carolina branch of the Ku Klux Klan has reserved the lawn of the South Carolina state house for a rally on July 18th to protest the state’s removal of the confederate flag.  This is their constitutional right, and they ought to have it.  However when asked about the charges facing Dylann Roof, the chapter’s leader said, “I feel sorry for the boy because of his age and I think he picked the wrong target. A better target for him would have been these gang-bangers, running around rapping, raping and stealing.”[1]  This turns my stomach.  A better target?  A BETTER TARGET?!  Now, this man has every right to his beliefs, and I am not suggesting he be censored, nonetheless it makes me sick.  Please tell me it bothers you too.  This is the world speaking to us, and as far as I’m concerned, this death-dealing voice is a reminder to the church that our work is not done.
          Brothers and sisters, not only do we serve the Prince of Peace, but we know that no matter how far we are from God, even if we’re rapists or gang bangers, or any other racist stereo type, we are loved and can be forgiven.  Period.  We might deserve death, but God, whose wisdom is beyond our own, has chosen to offer us life.  And let’s not forget that Jesus’s last act on Earth was to forgive the criminal hanging beside him.  To forgive the one the world had condemned.  Do we remember this?  Are we willing to be the ones who speak words of life?
          We don’t want to hear that we haven’t always done a good job of using our voices for God’s kingdom.  Not only racism, but greed, hatred, classism, environmental degradation, consumerism, unnatural busyness, fanatic nationalism, and so many other things are waiting for us to stand up and say, “God is not honored by this.  God condemns this.  World, you have lost your focus and God desires better for you, and for us all.”  We as Christians are to proclaim this in word and deed.  This is not a message that the world wants to hear, but that doesn’t get us off the hook.  That is our calling and God still wants our best.
When we fail to allow God to set us on our feet and send us into the depths of our calling we have essentially done what the Israelites did—they forgot who God is.  They thought that they had been set up, allowed to fail, and been left to stand on their own.  And sometimes the pain we see in the world, the hunger and the hatred, can make us wonder the same thing.  Is God who we think?  Have we been set up to fail?  Are we on our own?  And when we forget who God is, both the cosmic God of power and the tender shepherd, we run the risk of hardening ourselves against the will of God for our lives and our world. 
          How do we keep from becoming hard?  An easy ways is to stay connected to God.  To do things that remind us of who God is.  To give thanks for the vast and unimaginably deep love that God has for us.  To recount the myriad ways God has been faithful when we have turned away.  One of the ways we do this is through the sacrament of Holy Communion.  Communion re-presents the mighty and gracious acts of God on our behalf.  It reminds us of the work of the Spirit, and prompts us toward thanksgiving.  It points us to a time when God’s will will be fully done on earth and our words and deeds will be brought to fruition.  In it we are strengthened for the work set before us, because in it God is mysteriously and fully present in ways we cannot understand. 
          This brings me to the funny word you see in your bulletin, anamnesis.  And it’s a word I love.  Anamnesis is remembering something from the past in such a way as to make it alive in the present.  I’m sure you’ve all experienced this at some point, remembering friends or family or past vacations and mission trips.  I’ve seen it in the light of your faces as you’ve told me stories about Bill and Kurt--people I don’t know, but because of you I feel their presence.  For a moment those past people and places are very real and present, and the love and gratitude we have because of their presence in our lives overflows from us into the world.
Communion does this for us.  And in it, as we recount the mighty acts of God on our behalf, as we taste and see the goodness of the Lord, we don’t simply remember the Good News, we become the Good News here and now.  We are changed.  We are sanctified, becoming more like Christ, and in this Christ is present.  This is anamnesis. 
          Being a living memory is not easy, and so we must be constantly reconnected.  We return to this table again and again for nourishment, for strength, for encounter with the One who, knowing our mortality, stands us on our feet and sends us out as bearers of Good News.  We return so that we can continually reaffirm that we are for the world the body of Christ redeemed by his blood, called to be one with each other in ministry to all the world. 
          May it be so.

Sermons -- I'm postin' 'em.

My mom asked me to post my sermons so she could read them.  Enjoy, whoever else is out there!

Sermon 1: Hebrews 13:1-8, 15-16 "Strange Angels"

As I was preparing to write this first sermon, a friend asked me, “Are you going to give one of those “get to know you” sermons, or are you going to give an actual sermon?”  And, while I understood what he was saying, I found this to be a very strange question, because in this either/or, this or that, yes or no black or white world in which we live, nothing is ever quite that clear cut.  Our world is mostly gray areas.  So maybe it’s ambitious, but I hope to do both—to let you know a little about me as I give an “actual” sermon.  You see, I’m a both/and kind of person.
            Now, I’m also a history nerd.  Before I go on, I’d like to ask you all, please, PLEASE don’t come up after the service and quiz me.  Please don’t ask me who the secretary of state was in 1893 (John Foster), or who assassinated Leon Trotsky (Ramon Mercader), or which country holds the record for the longest time standing on one foot (76 hours, 40 minutes…I promise this sermon will not go on that long…).  If you ask me these sorts of things I will make up answers and you will be disappointed.
            Alright, getting back on track…  Since I’m a history nerd I like context, so when I hear a passage like today’s I always wonder three things: 1) Who are the people reading and writing this? 2) What were their lives like? And 3) What is this piece of writing trying to do?
            The answer to the first question (who are these people?) is a bit mysterious.  Though this letter is traditionally attributed to Paul, it was most likely written by someone else.  The writer has extremely detailed knowledge of the worship practices at the temple, so the author was likely a Levite.  This letter’s audience is equally mysterious.  The letter dates from 60-95 CE, so we know that whoever they were, they were second-generation Christ followers, and scholars believe they were located in Rome. 
The answer to the second question (what were their lives like?) is a bit more clear.  The contents of the letter indicate that the recipients had faced imprisonment, persecution, torture, confiscation of property, public abuse, and ridicule at the hands of the Roman government.  You see, Judaism, partially due to its antiquity, was a protected religion under the Roman law, but fledgling Christianity was not.  The Romans really didn’t care who you worshipped as long as you included Cesar in that worship and also paid your taxes.  The Jesus followers’ refusal to play the Roman game often put them on the wrong side of the law, imprisoned, tortured, and persecuted.
Knowing a bit about the author and audience makes answering the third question (what is the purpose of the writing?) fairly simple.  It seems that the writer of this letter had heard that this community was struggling—attendance was lax and commitment was waning.  Essentially, in the face of surmounting pressure, the people of this community were having doubts about whether or not following Jesus was worth all the trouble.  I know none of us here have ever had similar thoughts, but try to imagine what it might be like.
Acting out of pastoral concern for what he or she saw as waning certainty and devotion, the author wrote this encouraging letter…turned theological treatise.  Seriously, have you all ever tried to read this thing straight through?  It’ll make you head spin.  This letter is a powerhouse of thought—the first 12 chapters offer a lighthearted traipse through the paltry topics of God, Christ, Spirit, Church, and Faith. 
And then we get to chapter 13.  If what came before is an in-depth explanation of major doctrine, this by comparison feels almost like a check-list.  A lot of scholars more brilliant than I look at this passage and call it a list of moral maxims, and it makes sense why they think this.  The items on this list, the dos and don’ts of Christian life, directly relate to the things the people in this community were experiencing.  But what does it mean for people who aren’t experiencing those same things?  What does it mean for us?
When I look at this list of “neglect nots”, I see a list that’s about rightly ordered relationships.  Based on this passage, the relationship we ought to have with those in prison and those being tortured is solidarity, remembering our own times of captivity and pain inflicted at the hands of others, or maybe even times when we held ourselves captive.  We are to be faithful and committed to those we have joined to ourselves in the bonds of marriage.  We are to esteem money properly, realizing that no matter how much we accumulate it cannot save us.  We are to let ourselves be guided by leaders who live faithful lives.  And we are to offer to God our praise, not only with our lips, but with our belongings, freely giving that which has been given to us.
            Now if you’ve been following along with the reading you’ve probably noticed that I skipped one of the items on the list.  The one about strangers.  And that’s the one I want to focus on today.  Just to recap, that one was: Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it.  It seems to me that that one is the biggest, most vague one of all.  Everyone we don’t know is a stranger.  We know who prisoners are—for better or worse we even know where they live.  Money, we know it.  We know who our leaders are.  I’ve never been married, so maybe I’m way off base on this one, but I assume that you know the person you’re married to.  At the very least you recognize them on sight. 
The thing is, we know strangers on sight too.  They aren’t like us.  They’re the ones who don’t fit.  The ones who don’t do things quite like we do.  Their words are different from ours.  They eat weird things and have ideas that are different from ours.  Strangers are scary.  The early Jesus followers knew this—strangers could be informants, could be people who want to get close only to hurt us.  We aren’t under the threat of persecution, nonetheless, we teach our kids about “stranger danger” not just because it’s catchy and rhymes, but because the phrase holds truth. 
And yet this verse turns that notion on its head by suggesting that the appropriate relationship we are to have with strangers is one of welcome.  Of giving.  You all are probably familiar with our bishop’s writings on “Radical Hospitality”.  Bishop Schnase suggests that hospitality:
Begins with a receiving, perceiving, listening, opening, accepting attitude—a readiness to accept and welcome God’s initiative toward us.  It is sustained with active behaviors that place us in the most advantageous posture to continue to receive God, welcome Christ, and make room for grace.  And so it involves interior decision and soul work, a listening and receptivity to God, as well as habits that transform us as we regularly, frequently, and intentionally make room in our lives for God.[1]

Welcoming strangers is one of those habits that transforms us, but we do not do it simply with the hope of transformation.  We extend hospitality because but for God’s hospitality, of welcoming us into the work of grace, we too would be forever estranged.  We extend hospitality, God’s vital love, because we have first been loved.
Not only are we to be hospitable, but this verse insists that strangers, with their weird and sometimes unsettling ways, are messengers of God.  The greek word for angel—angelos—literally means messenger.  Whenever we encounter angels in the Bible they are almost always delivering a new message from God.  A revelation made specifically for that time and place.  Sarah was freed from the cultural shame of barrenness by word of a divine messenger.  Pharoah is made aware of his insignificance in comparison to the God of the Israelites when the angel of death passes over his family and kingdom.  Angels appeared to Mary and Joseph with news that upended their worlds.  Shepherds made a journey—moving their herds based on a message from a host.  Peter is brought a message of very real release from prison.  These angels, with their revelation from God, change the course of people’s lives.  And change can be scary.  I’m sure you’ve noticed that the first words the angels often speak are “do not be afraid.”
This passage contains a similar message, proclaiming, “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.”  We do not have to fear change because in a world where everything is continually in motion Jesus does not change.  God is constant, and our constant God promises to be with us no matter what.  But constancy doesn’t mean inertia.  After all, this is the same God that promises to make all things new.  That promises to turn our stagnation into transformation.  That loves us too much to leave us as we are, and instead calls us forth to something better. 
As I look around I don’t yet see that all things are new.  Our world is desperately in need of renewal; in need of newness of life and newness of purpose.  And I don’t know about you, but I’m not yet who I hope to be.  I’ve got corners with cobwebs and closets with skeletons just begging for a good spring cleaning.  This renewal requires change, and strangers, with their foreign ways of being, are inherently agents of change.  And this, I think is the good news: when we welcome in these strange angels, we welcome in the newness that God desires to work among us!
How does this happen?  I think it has to do with what is required in meeting strangers.  Meeting strangers often pushes us out of our comfort zone and requires us to go to the edges of our known world.  To go to unfamiliar places to meet unfamiliar people.  Places we don’t usually go.  Sometimes you do want to go where everybody knows your name, and that’s okay, but what are the odds that you’ll encounter strangers there?  We are creatures of habit, and when we are comfortable we run on autopilot and can sometimes miss things that are right in our faces.  How many times have you been wandering around your house looking for something that, for the life of you, you can’t find, only to discover, as you’re about to throw the mightiest of fits, that the thing you’re looking for is already in your hand?  Is that just me? (Or “Oh good, it’s not just me.”)  How much quicker is your search when your child, spouse, or friend points out to you, “um…aren’t you looking for that thing in your hand?” 
That’s what strangers, with their fresh perspectives, do for us.  They push us into unfamiliar, boundary-expanding places, and then remind us that the thing we were looking for (love, acceptance, welcome…freedom to be who we have been created to be) has been with us all along.  We encounter the love of God when we extend it to others.  God’s love is that big.  So big that somehow when we give it away we end up with more than when we started.  And it is God’s love that transforms us, perfecting us into the image of one who is “the icon of the invisible God” (Col. 1:15).  The one who is the same, yesterday, today, and forever (Heb. 13:8).  The divine one who takes the posture of a servant and pours out all that he is for the sake of the world (Phil 2).
In her book Missional. Monastic. Mainline. Elaine A. Heath, professor of Evangelism at Perkins School of Theology at SMU argues that Jesus makes clear that God’s ultimate meaning is love and is the example that mercy always triumphs over judgement.  She goes on to say,
“This means that at the most basic level Jesus respects us.  Why would Jesus invest so much effort and love, to the point of death, if he did not think we were amazing?  Respect for others is woven into everything Jesus says and does.”[2] 

And we are to go and do likewise, extending respect, mercy, love, and grace to all we meet, especially the strangers in our midst and those we are sent to.  This is hospitality.
I would be very surprised if any of this is new to you all.  I believe you already know this.  One thing that has been made clear to me again and again is that you are people called to go and do.  I am astounded by the sheer number of mission activities you all are involved in.  And because of this, you know that you don’t come back from a mission experience saying, “Man, I’m so glad I changed those people.”  No.  Instead you come back saying, “Man, I can’t believe how that experience and those people have changed me and the way I look at the world.”  Or, “I can’t believe how my understanding of God and grace has changed and expanded.”  Of course we hope that our participation in the work of God affects some kind of good for our brothers and sisters, but we don’t enter into that work with any agenda other than the sharing of what God has given us—our time, talent, effort, money, love, acceptance, grace, forgiveness, joy, all of it is our sacrifice of praise, which is pleasing to God.
And there is more good news!  When we grow accustomed to using these tools and gifts in particular ways and begin to question whether what we’re doing is really worth it, strangers show up to reveal to us new ways to use our gifts, and to remind us that what we’re looking for is always at hand.  And what we’re looking for, according to C.S. Lewis, is to “participate in the beauty and goodness of life.”[3]  After all, Jesus didn’t come to condemn us (John 3:17), but came that we might have life, and have it abundantly (John 10:10b), welcoming us into the life of grace, asking us to lay aside our own desires for bigger and better ones.  That isn’t an easy task—that’s why we as Methodists talk about “going on to perfection” and have always argued about whether or not perfection can actually be attained.  The purposes of God, revealed in our encounters with strangers, point us to places where the abundant, life-giving love of God is needed.  This doesn’t come without its challenges and knee-knocking moments, but our willingness to go and do is a tangible promise as we become an icon of the icon of the invisible God[MM1] .
So why this message now?  The truth is that you and I are both strangers.  Some of us stranger than others, I’m sure.  You don’t know me and I don’t know you.  But through our weird Methodist system of itinerancy God has called us together in this time and this place to do something.  To be something.  Something that is for the glory of the Kingdom of God.  And we may not fully know what that is, but we know that in this there is a revelation, a new word, for us. 
           But we will not stay strangers.  There will come a time when we will be friends, when mutual love will continue among us (Heb. 13:1).  And yet, we will still be called to extend hospitality to strangers.  To open our arms figuratively and literally and to seek out those people who are different from us.  People, God’s messengers, who will call us into uncomfortable and unfamiliar place, and who will teach us another story about the never-resting faithfulness of God.



[1] Schnase, Five Practices of Fruitful Living, 17.
[2] Heath, Missional. Monastic. Mainline., 27.
[3] Feasting on the World, Year C, vol. 4, 19.


 [MM1]This is probably straying a bit afield…and is a little overwrought…

In fact, this whole paragraph might be entirely unnecessary.

Thursday, April 30, 2015

Fear



            Fear is something I think about a lot.  I think about it so that I don’t let it get the better of me.  It was something that I thought a lot about as I was deciding about, first, whether or not to come to seminary, and second, which seminary to go to.  Did I believe that the God who created me, loves me, and knows my flaws would still call me?  Did I believe that God would equip me?  Did I believe that the God who called and equipped me would take care of me?  If I believe all of that then what is there to fear?  Where will I not be willing to go?  What will I not be willing to do?
            And it’s easy to say, but it’s a thought process that requires continual maintenance.  Fear sneaks up on me easily, and I don’t always recognize it initially.  And even when I reject it with my mouth and mind it sometimes takes a while for my heart to catch up.  I don’t want to act (or not act, as the case usually is) from a place of fear.  When fear and doubt and worry get the better of me the lyrics to one of my favorite songs come to me (I confess, more often than not it’s song lyrics that get me through tough times): “I don’t believe you brought me this far to give up,/ so every day I keep on fighting for it./  Show me again what I was made for,/ help me to see how you’re leading me.”  And I believe I’m being led, okay, sometimes dragged, but I have no frickin’ clue where I’m going.
            Plus lately it seems like most days are fighting, and I know that lately I’ve been losing because life right now seems like more than I can handle.  I fight to get up.  I fight to sleep.  I fight to leave the house.  I fight to do the things I need to do, because the things I need to do take me further from the people I want to be with.  I fight to explain to people how I’m doing because I know they’re fighting too, and who can handle one more emotion.  There is so much change.  So much uncertainty.  So much that is nebulous.  And as someone who often finds themselves building things from scratch, who enjoys a good blank canvas, who has enough paint in her palette to quite possibly paint with all the colors of the wind, the fact that I can’t handle the total lack of direction is starting to really stress me out.
            But do I believe?  Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And can any of you by worrying add a single hour to your span of life?  And why do you worry about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not clothed like one of these.”
            So, do I believe?  Where is it that I won’t go?  What is it that I won’t do?
            So, do I believe?  Where is it that God won’t go?  What is it that God won’t do?
            So, do I believe?